It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
