Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
