it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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