so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
