No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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