I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
