The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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