There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
