worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
