Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
