I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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