yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
