i think my mom watched the whole time
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We have started to decorate penises.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
