People with herpes should wear stickers.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
