He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
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Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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