Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize