To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
