Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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