I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
