she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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