I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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