Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
