highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
