it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
