I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
