I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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