dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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