you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
