we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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