It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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