Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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