I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
