So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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