Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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