Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
