I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
