Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
