Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
