ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My bed smells like the plague
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
