You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
did i walk over a car last night?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
