so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
