why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
