I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
