hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
