I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
