No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
