WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
