i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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