they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
