I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Randomize
