I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
