If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
