I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
