and you said cock pushups were impossible
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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