When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
