I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize