just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
