Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
