I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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