took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
