he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize