someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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