we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
