How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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