Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Randomize
