not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
