Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
