I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
