He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
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I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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