What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
