I can tuck mytits in my pants
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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