I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
