First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
In other news, I just burned my penis
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
