wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
