I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
