I think my vagina is haunted
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
