READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
