I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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