At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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