im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
