For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
