i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
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