Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
