Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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