every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
