she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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