dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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