i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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