How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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