I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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