does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
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I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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